Anonymous asked:
Hi! Can you make a little recap of these last years: what you went through, why you began your tumblr, how you were feeling about 6 years ago and what you were imagining your future at this moment, and how you feel and what are your projects now, etc? I'm glad you're better now because I follow your tumblr since a long time and I remember some very dark posts with selfharm and deep distress. I wish you the best! 💜
Hey of course I can! It’s just very long time span so it’s probably impossible to write or even remember everything that have happened,because it’s A LOT.
… I found tumblr around six years ago and thought it would be nice To have own blog In here, or diary where I could also find People who are going through the same. I felt super lonely at that time. I lived alone In a different city than my family, tried To study and build my life In there. At that time I kinda thought my problems would just fade away if I moved away from my home city. But then very bad things happened and it kinda shattered my life completely. I was only getting worse and I was very ill. And that led me losing my studies, home, hobbies, basically everything.
After living alone about two years With one Day warning I moved back To my parents’ home and by that time I had Lost everything. My ED got lot worse very quickly… so Did my depression and everything Else too. So In November 2016 I was rushed To the hospital for a first time and Put In a psychiatric ward. I was constantly going In and out of the hospital, strongly medicated and only getting worse. And that kept going for four years nonstop. During those years I went through three sets of ECT treatments, ketamine infusion, many suicide attempts, lots of meds, involuntary treatment, psychotic episodes etc. I also lived In three different psychiatric units.
Honestly at that time, six years ago I didn’t think I would even be alive by now. I was so self destructive, so Lost and afraid that it felt impossible to live. But I have realised that things that happened To me while I was inpatient, how People treated me and how arbitrary they made decisions about my treatments have been very traumatizing. So it made it even harder for me To get better.
But I have been out of the hospital around a year now, I quit self harming and I started psychotherapy on May 2021. The change didn’t happen quickly, but the one I can thank most is my girlfriend. She changed my life. And made me believe that I could have a future too. So slowly I have been trying To get into recovery. The biggest thing was To make that decision that I have To give it a chance. I have To take those steps towards recovery, and somehow I have already got this far.
Right now the most important things in my life are therapy and my own little family. Im working with myself, trying To get my strenght back and To know myself again. It’s hard since I Lost myself many years ago. So I don’t really know who I am and what my life is without my illnesses. But now I have People around me again and they are supporting me the Best they can and im so grateful. I also Lost a lot of People while I was in a bad condition and it hurts, but I also found New People around me.
Im finally able To believe that i can get my life back and chase my Dreams and achieve them! I know I Will probably never be fully healthy again, but I want To learn To accept it and live my life the fullest.
I hope this answers your questions and if not im open To answer more questions and tell more about things! Thank you so much for your support, it means a lot To me💜
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